Being the hero of our story, our life, is a powerful yet inspiring mindset. It reminds us to take responsibility for our actions, and encourages us to strive for greatness. It also enables us to envision and create a better future for ourselves and those around us.
It guides us to accept responsibility for our decisions and be accountable for our path. We become the masters of our own destiny and can shape our lives in ways we desire.
Being the hero of your story means taking an active and empowered role in shaping the narrative of your life. It does not require superpowers or grand gestures. It starts with small steps, consistent effort, and determination to be the best version of ourselves.
Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey indicates a hero embarks on an adventure, learns a lesson, wins a victory with the newfound knowledge, then returns home transformed. How I perceive his theory is as follows:
The departure: Being aware of my limited beliefs that no longer serve me. Time to adjust.
Learn a lesson: Navigating the unfamiliar world; stepping out of my comfort zone; facing various challenges and failures.
Win the victory: Apply new life skill sets and competencies when facing similar circumstances that happened before, but handle them differently.
Homecoming: Continue living but as a new person.
Perhaps the best way to understand these stages is through my personal stories.
Here we go.
Being a hero to my FAMILY
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I remember sleeping close to my brother during nights when we heard our parents fighting and arguing. My father would then storm into our bedroom while taking the leather belt off of his pants. He would pull off the blanket we were grabbing on to with all our might, and belt us for absolutely no reason.
All we could do was cover our heads in fear and weep as quietly as possible so we wouldn’t anger him further.
I also remember those Sunday mornings, the only day my brother and I could sleep in, we would be woken up by beatings and hysterical yelling from him like a mad man people see in movies. He would then make us walk 30 minutes with him to a local church. I remember watching tears roll down his face as we sat next to him on the pew.
I also recall visiting home during college winter break. My father and I got into an argument and he held up his fist. I challenged him to hit me so to give me a good reason to hit him back. I was as tall as he was. It must be the anger burning in my eyes, or maybe the fact that I was no longer afraid that scared him. He has never hurt me physically since.
From college to entering the real world, I was full of anger. Witnessing my mother being abused by a monster, I thought the only way to protect myself was to be mean. To be loud. To be fierce. And I did really well at making colleagues cry, hurting people’s feelings, and letting my emotions get the best of me.
I did not like myself much either. I did not know why I was always angry.
Fast forward to the day I gave birth to my miracle child. I insisted on a natural birth, even if it meant he would come out sooner than the initial due date, Christmas Eve. I passed out twice. The second time took place in the patient’s room and my poor mother witnessed how I dropped on the floor with my eyes rolling back. She thought I had died.
And I did. I can still recall being in a dark tunnel and seeing the bright light at the other end of the tunnel before a force pulled me away.
I was then told that I had a heart valve issue, which explained prior unexplained fainting episodes. I was also informed of the importance of controlling my emotions. My son was born two days ago and I still haven’t held him. It was then that I decided to get rid of all my anger. I want to be a good mother. And I do not want my son to endure what I lived through.
I would say this is when I officially started the hero journey, hence the departure.
On my 35th birthday, and for the first time, I received an email from my father titled Happy Birthday. In the email he stated that he had no idea I was working so hard as a child as he looked through all the homework and books my mom kept. He was also dumbfounded by the close and loving relationship I had with my son.
I still do not know why to this day, but an insane amount of anger filled my entire body within seconds. I grabbed my car key, drove to my favorite PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) spot between Pacifica and Half Moon Bay. I screamed and cried uncontrollably.
(Learn lessons)
On a different occasion while attending an entrepreneurial workshop series, the speaker had all the attendees write down impressions of each other on post-it notes. By then all of us had already attended other workshops together, so we knew each other fairly well.
The speaker called me to my seat. Pointing at those post-it notes, he said, “Look at them!”
The speaker was a mentor to me at the time; you could say he knew me pretty darn well.
Written on those post-it notes were:
- Sheltered
- Born with a golden spoon
- No struggles/easy life
- Happy-go-lucky
- Does not know what hardship is
My mentor pointed them out because they were far from who I really am. Far from my upbringing. Far from the truth.
To put it simply, I managed to cover up my pain and who I am pretty well. I successfully acted out the script of a nonexistent perfect family written by yours truly.
And if you’ve met my mentor, it would be no surprise to know that he had me share my true stories with everyone.
It wasn’t tough to do so. Oddly enough, it was a huge relief.
It was around the same time that I discovered the book that changed my life. I know it sounds cliché, but it did. It’s “10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace” by Dr. Wayne Dyer.
Secret 3 caught my attention immediately: You can’t give away what you don’t have.
What comes out of us in the form of words and actions is what’s inside us. Dr. Dyer uses oranges as an example — no one can ever squeeze apple juice out of an orange, even if it’s paper-mâchép’d as an apple.
My father lost his parents at a very young age and grew up in an orphanage and later in the military. There was no love. There was no nurture. How would he know how to love his children?
And to continue nurturing my son with love, I first need to fill my heart and soul with love. With joy.
To do so, I continue with secret 5 — Giving up my personal history. I am not my past. I removed all labels others, and myself, bestowed on me. I started living as the person I wanted to be. As the first secret, I am open to every possibility and attach to nothing.
I moved half-way across the country with my then 10-year-old boy to pursue a better quality of life. I failed a business. I was fired from my job. I was humiliated. I did not have enough money to pay rent. I was ashamed. I cried in fear in the bathroom after my son went to sleep. I was terrified.
While they all sound awful, looking back, I had to go through them to grow as a person. Each of what appeared to be unfortunate events ended up being the greatest life lessons I will forever treasure.
(Victories)
By dealing with the failed business, I was able to learn and explore more about business development, marketing strategy, operational costs, etc. I was later able to consult companies and help them grow revenue.
Being fired gave me the courage to stand up for myself, without being a jerk as I used to be, and win an EEOC lawsuit. It guided me to learn more laws that later became useful when helping others. I was also motivated to become a leader instead of a boss as a result.
The fear of running out of money forced me to manage my finances better, invest more, and increase savings.
I started holding myself accountable for everything. How people think of me does not define me. How people act is none of my business. How people treat me is also none of my business. My personal values remain the same and I will walk away with no regret or resentment when it is the best option.
People often get disturbed by others’ talk, drive, and actions. But the truth is, we all give our best. But our best is not on the same level due to differences in background, upbringing, personal values, and beliefs. So why allow the actions of others to dictate our behavior?
Having developed a more evolved mindset, I now know my limits and boundaries. That’s self-awareness.
Haven’t visited my home country for 12 years due to my son’s activities, but when I finally did, my parents saw the new me. My relatives saw the new me. My friends saw the new me.
In response to the love and respect I showed, my father strives to contribute to a harmonious family life.
Relatives who used to belittle me said I now speak with authority but not arrogant.
Friends who used to joke around with me started seeking advice from me. (Not that I am qualified to offer much. Ha!)
All of them told me multiple times “You’re different. In a very positive way.”
And this is my homecoming.
There are so many lessons learned and victories won, such as raising my son on my own since he was three. As of the end of 2023, he would graduate with a degree in Music Composition and start working on his post-grad in the same field. He held two jobs each year throughout college. He marched in drum corps international until his age-out year.
I feel blessed. I feel blessed that I was given the opportunity, or should I say the awakening, to grow as a person. Heck, I still have so much to learn and improve, and I will continue to embrace each valuable life lesson heading my way. They do get easier.
